


Drunk

by Tivaholic



Category: NCIS, tiva - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tivaholic/pseuds/Tivaholic
Summary: Tony sends a drunken email to Ziva following her engagement to Ray.
Relationships: Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Kudos: 26





	Drunk

Engaged. She was engaged. Tony walked into his apartment in a bigger funk than he had ever been in. His mind kept replaying the memory of her telling the team she was getting married to Ray. He threw his jacket across the room, not caring where it landed. He made his way to the kitchen and went straight to his alcohol cabinet. He grabbed a bottle of Whiskey and made his way back to the living room, flopping down on his couch. He didn’t even bother with a glass, as he drank right out of the bottle. 

He looked up at his ceiling, wondering when he lost his chance completely. When everything fell apart. They had gotten even closer after Somalia. Her father died, and things were difficult, but they still managed to be there for each other. Then Ray came into the picture. I didn’t admit it then, but he was jealous. He hated seeing her with another man. Hated that he missed the chance to make her happy. Know that he had to watch her get married to another man. 

He put his head in his hands just thinking that thought. He couldn’t do it. He wanted to be there for her, but the man of seeing her walk down the aisle to Ray would just be too hard. To hear their vows, see the kiss that would signify their marriage, he just couldn’t. He finished off the bottle in his hand and practically threw it all the ground, listening to it shatter on the hardwood floor. 

“Damn it!” He yelled. Tony wasn’t a crying man, but a tear slipped down his cheek without his consent. A sob escaped his throat as his mind kept telling him he lost his chance forever. He jumped up to get another bottle of alcohol from his kitchen, downing it in what seemed like seconds. He was dizzy as he walked back to the couch, feeling the effects of the two bottles of alcohol that he consumed. He didn’t remember falling asleep, and he definitely didn’t remember sending that email.

_______________________________________________

Tony woke up to the sun blaring on his face. He quickly shut his eyes to block out the sun, and slowly got up off the couch. He looked at his living room. Empty bottles were scattered on the coffee table, and glass was still shattered on his floor. His head was throbbing and he brought his hands up to rub his temples. He took a deep breath and heaved himself off the couch. He made his way to the bathroom and hated what he saw in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes and there was a 5 o’clock shadow on his chin and cheeks. He looked like shit. 

He stripped off his clothes and got into his shower. He got out quickly as he already knew he was going to be late to work. He got dressed and grabbed the DiNozzo defibrillator, his phone, his keys, and wallet, and headed out the door. 

He made it to the Navy Yard in record time. He checked his watch in the elevator and noticed that he was 45 minutes late. When the ding radiated through the air and he walked out of the elevator. He made his way over to his desk, looking at Ziva’s left hand, which had a shining diamond ring on her finger. He gulped back and sat down at his desk. He turned on his computer. He noticed that Ziva was looking at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye. He opened up his next file and began working. 

Gibbs strolled through the bullpen swiftly as he made his way to his desk, coffee in hand. Ziva and McGee looked up at him, but Tony kept his eyes on his computer. As Gibbs made his way back around, probably about to head to the directors’ office, he stopped in front of Tony’s desk. Giving him a glare. When Tony finally looked up at him, Gibbs recognized the look in the younger man’s eyes. He gave him a slight nod and made his way up the stairs. Tony went back to his report. McGee and Ziva were both looking at him worriedly, Ziva knowing more than McGee did. 

She couldn’t get the email she read from last night out of her head. It was stuck on repeat. She couldn’t sleep a wink last night, even telling Ray that she needed some time alone. He gave her what she wished for but still tried talking with her. She looked down at the ring on her finger, realizing for not the first time that it wasn’t really her style. It was too big and flashy, even the ring size had been too big. She couldn’t help but think, not for the first time, that Ray wasn’t the man she was supposed to be marrying. 

She looked over and saw how miserable Tony looked. He had looked that way since she told them about her engagement. Her heart had been beating quickly since he stepped off the elevator. Her heart ached knowing she was the reason for his pain. Up until now, she had tried to bury her feeling for him. Tried to move on. No matter how much she cared for Ray, she cared for Tony more. She looked back at her ring. She really needed to think about this. 

She opened a new tab on her computer and opened her personal email. She clicked on Tony’s email from last night and took a deep breath. She read over it again.

Ziva,  
I know you probably won’t read this, at least not for a while anyway. You’re probably with Ray. I know that you’re happy with him, but I have to get his off my chest. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone that’s right beside you every step of the way instead of off on the other side of the world most of the time. You deserve someone that will put you before the job. The job isn’t everything. You are everything...to me. You mean the world to me and maybe if we had the chance, we could’ve explored that. I would’ve given you the world, still would. I love you more than anything on the planet. Love you more than movies or beer, or even both. You mean more to me than my job, my title, my life. I would give everything for you. Right now, I’m sitting on my couch after learning of your engagement, I think I’ve drunk more than I should, or else I don’t think I’d be sending you this right now. I also, can’t watch you marry him. I can’t watch another man marry the woman I love. Your it for me, Ziva. There is no one else. I’m sorry but I can’t attend your wedding. I hope you can forgive me someday for this.

Love,  
Tony

It had brought tears to her eyes last night. Ray had thought that it was the show they were watching, but he was wrong. He was wrong about a lot of the things she was feeling. He didn’t understand her as Tony did. Nobody did. She looked over her computer screen at the man of her thoughts, trying her best to keep the unshed tears at bay. He wouldn’t even look at her, much less talk to her. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts, by her phone ringing. She looked over and saw Ray’s name on the screen. She didn’t hesitate to hit the decline button. She needed time to think. Needed to understand everything that was going on, which meant she would need to talk to Tony. She tried to figure out her best course of action for this conversation. She didn’t want to have this serious of a chat in a public place but at the same time, she felt the need to talk to him right now. 

“Tony.” Her voice was soft but timid at the same time. He lifted his head, still not looking at her, but acknowledged that she was talking to him.

“Can I speak with you for a moment?” She could see him gulp and he looked nervously around the room. He gave her a hesitant nod and stood from his chair. She motioned for the elevator, for which he followed. As they waited for the doors to open, Ziva ran over the things that she wanted to talk about in her head. When they finally did open, they stepped in. Tony looked forward at the doors as they shut. She hit the emergency stop button as soon as the elevator started moving. She could see his chin moving as he normally did when he upset, nervous, or thinking. He was more than likely all of the above at this moment. 

“Tony.” Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. She took a deep breath.

“Tony. I...I need to talk with you about the email you sent me last night.” The way he whipped his head around to face her, surprised her. He didn’t know about the email. 

“What?” This was the first thing he had said all day. 

“You sent me an email last night, regarding many...things.” Tony dipped his head down and closed his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I...last night wasn’t the best night for me. I drank more than I should have. I’m sorry if I said anything stupid or...crazy.” She could see that his hands were shaking.

“Tony...you do not remember?” He shook his head. 

“No.” Ziva nodded. How was she supposed to have this conversation now? The only way it could be done might be to show him the evidence. She pulled out her phone and pulled up her email, clicking the one she wanted, and handed him the phone. He took it and started reading. 

‘Your it for me, Ziva. There is no one else.’

His heart was beating out of his chest as he read the email that he sent drunkenly. By the time he handed her back the phone, he was looking at the ceiling. 

“Tony...I need to know.” She cut herself off, her emotions starting to get the best of her. 

“Did you mean it?” He didn’t reply for a minute. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.” Ziva sighed but decided to push. 

“Yes, it does.” He looked her in the eye and with all the sincerity he could manage, he gave in.

“Yes.” A lone tear fell down Ziva’s cheek, and Tony couldn’t resist wiping it from her cheek. 

“You are happy though. I want you to be happy and if he...does that then so be it. I’m not gonna take away your happiness for my own.” They looked into each other’s eyes and Ziva put her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his skin. He leaned into her touch and gave a small groan. One that he was hoping she didn’t hear. But she did. She gave a small smile at the reaction to her touch. Her heart telling her this is all she needed. Tony, by her side. Ray wasn’t the one she wanted to be with, never had been. He was second best to the one person she couldn’t have. 

Tony ended the moment when he reached over and pressed the button again, making it move. When the doors opened on their floor, he stepped out quickly and made his way to the restroom. He needed some air. Needed to by himself for a second. Now she knew how he felt for all these years. What he had kept bottled inside for so long. He rested his elbows on the bathroom counter and put his head down. His head snapped back up when one of the stalls opened. Gibbs stepped out and looked at the younger man, seeing the tears that were streaming down his face freely. He didn’t know if he even knew he was crying. Gibbs moved over and washed his hands. When he was done, he stood right next to Tony with his back resting against the counter.

“She’s getting married, boss.” Tony finally spoke up after a few minutes of silence. 

“I know.” Tony’s shoulders sagged in defeat.

“I lost my chance. I’m gonna lose my everything.” Gibbs put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. 

“So fight for her.” Tony shook his head.

“No. She’s happy with him, Gibbs. I don’t want to take her happiness from her. After all the shit she’s gone through in her life, she deserves this. She deserves to get married and have a family. Even if the guy she’s with is a total dumbass.” Gibbs smirked. 

“Talk with her, Tony.” And with that, Gibbs left the room, leaving Tony to his devices. Tony stood there for nearly 10 more minutes before finally leaving the bathroom for his desk. He noticed that they hadn’t gotten a case all day and it was nearly time to go home. He saw that Ziva wasn’t at her desk. He sighed in relief, as he didn’t want her to see him right now. 

The rest of the day went by slowly, Ziva didn’t come back. Gibbs told them she went home. Tony nodded sadly, as home meant home to Ray. He was going to be going home alone tonight, just like every night. When the clock struck 1800 hours, he started packing up his gear. He gave a pathetic wave to Gibbs and McGee and made his way out of the building.

He made it home around 20 minutes later, saying no to every alcoholic beverage in his home, and sat on the couch. He didn’t need to send any more emails. 

He must have drifted off to sleep because he was woken by the sound of a knock on his front door. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 0200 in the morning. Who would be at his apartment this early? He walked over to the door and opened it to see a nervous-looking Ziva. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. 

“Can I come in?” Tony didn’t say anything, just opened his door for her. He relied on her to shut the door as he made his way to the kitchen, in search of some decent food. Ziva could see that it was also a form of delay for any conversation they would have. She slowly walked over to him. She put her hand on his shoulder, and she felt his shoulders drop. She put her other hand on his cheek, turning him to face her. His eyes were so sad and she hated that she caused that. 

“Tony...I.” Her voice caught in her throat. Tony looked down at her hand, something he constantly did knowing that there was a ring there. She noticed this and also noticed the confused look when he didn’t see the diamond placed on her ring finger. He looked back up at her to see her shyly smiling. 

“You were right. He was not the right one for me.” His brows furrowed further in confusion. 

“What does that mean?” His voice cracked.

“I called off my engagement to Ray.” His eyes held a small sparkle of hope in them as she spoke. Tears started forming in Ziva’s eyes, and for once, she let them fall.

“You have always been the one to have my back. It just took a drunken email to get us to realize that we need each other.” He chuckled. She couldn’t be more right. 

“So that means…..” She smiled at his reluctance to fully give in to what she was telling him.

“I once asked you about soulmates. I was not too sure about what I thought about them then, but...I do now. I...love you too and… I want to…” She didn’t finish her sentence as Tony pulled her into an almighty kiss. She melted into the kiss and kissed him back with just as much passion. They hadn’t kissed since their undercover mission from many years ago. This, this was different. It was almost as if fireworks exploded for the both of them. When they pulled back, Tony pulled her into an embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He buried his head into her shoulder and couldn’t stop the tears from falling. 

“I love you so much and I promise to make you happy, and I’ll do it as long as you want me.” She looked up into his eyes.

“What if that is forever?” He gave her his 1000 watt DiNozzo grin.

“Then forever it is.” He claimed her mouth once more and she smiled into the kiss. This is where they wanted to be. In each other’s arms. It’s a wonder what a drunken email can do sometimes. ;)


End file.
